Lovers,
I guess you could call this my Juno diary:
I was approached about getting involved with the production of the Canadian music awards (the Juno's) months ago. All that was discussed at first was the idea of me putting some music together for the broadcast. I needed some work and said I was interested.
2005 was a very interesting year in Canadian music. And while the Juno's haven't always incredibly cutting edge in years past, I got the sense from early conversations that the people there were up on what was happening, were excited about it and wanted the show to reflect that.
At the time that I agreed to get involved, none of the details were in place. No nominations, performers, host, nothing. I'll admit that I was day-dreaming of some kind of indy love-fest. I was told that they were working on solidifying the host and that it would be "huge". I kinda figured it would be some kind of Canadian Hollywood type - maybe Mike Myers or something like that... Everyone seemed very excited about the possibility of an American broadcast and I knew all along that, realistically, ratings were going to be all-important.
Little by little the details were revealed and the show was shaping up to be something entirely different from what I was imagining originally. My roll was evolving as well. My mind-set changed too and I figured that I might bring something to the show that would otherwise be mostly absent. Call it what you want, but I guess I was thinking I'd keep the thing anchored to the ground where Pam Anderson and the Black Eyed Peas would send it up into the sky.
It took lots of time and trial and error to find some theme music that satisfied everyone. We have a small pile of rejects (more challenging stuff I guess you could say) that maybe we'll use for a record someday. I was especially pleased with what we came up with for Pam Anderson's walk-on.
Being asked to do the opening performance/intro, I wanted to come up with something solid that would get the show off to a big start. Once we had the music and text nailed down, I practiced, practiced, practiced...
The next real step was taking a trip to Toronto to record all the voice-over stuff which included listing all the nominees and winners and sponsor stuff, which was weird, but fun.
The Saturday before the awards show was a very interesting day. In the afternoon I had my meeting with Ms. Anderson to break the ice and go over a few things. We were now pretty much co-hosting the event and had a little bit of interaction to go through. Everyone asks me the same questions about her, so I'll tell you. No, she's not dumb. She was very nice and easy to talk to and our conversations were interesting. She'd be the first to tell you that her public persona is a well-crafted act. She knows who she is and why she's famous and she gives the people who love her what they want. I was mostly left thinking that it can't be easy to be her. Oh yeah, she's also very tiny (mostly).
Then, on Saturday evening, there was the pre-awards gala dinner thing. This is where most of the actual awards are handed out and it's not televised. Too bad. If you ask me (and probably anyone else who was there), this was the more interesting show, by far. The proceedings were hosted by Canadian R&B singer Jully Black. She was genius. She slayed everyone all night. She can't be stopped. The musical performances were also much more diverse (a good thing) - there was country and hip hop and Martha Wainwright who's amazing.
On this night the award in the category in which I was nominated was handed out. I won. Nice. I should clarify that it was my friend Micah and I who were nominated together as co-directors of the Devil's Eyes video. Micah was emotional and it was a very nice moment.
Backstage, Micah and I had to do a bunch of press and during that process I got to meet Bruce Cockburn, which was a huge thrill.
I should also mention before I forget that a swell lady named Dawn at Hugo Boss set decked me out in three slammin'-ass suits for the weekend and I'm not complaining. One was all white believe it or not.
On Sunday we rehersed all day. Rehersals did not go smoothly at all and people seemed to be shitting themselves a little bit. I was having troubles with my monitors, but was assured that everything would be sorted come show time...
Showtime finally came the everything was buzzing (figuratively). I was led out to my spot to kick the show off. The lights came down and the crowd went bananas. Big shows like this don't happen in Halifax that often. And here I was, the hometown boy, cuttin' the ribbon on the thing. The awards did indeed find their American broadcast (MTV no less) and millions of viewers worldwide now had their eyes on me...
Nothing.
I heard nothing in my monitors whatsoever. I had special, custom monitors made just for this moment. Custom monitors that were molded to my ears so as to block-out all outside noise completely. That's what did me in. If my ears weren't completely blocked, I could have at least gone by the sound in the arena. But I didn't even have that. I might as well have been under water. I sure as hell felt that way. I've never known panic like that in all my life. This was live television (millions of viewers) and there was no turning back. It was a complete and utter nightmare.
After completely mangling the first fifteen seconds (a lifetime) or so of the song (I hate to imagine what my face must have looked like - deer in the headlights perhaps?), I ripped my left monitor out and listened in the cavernous, tin roofed arena to try to find my spot. This probably took a fraction of a second, but felt like another lifetime. Thankfully my screw-up didn't throw off my band who were playing where they were supposed to be. This allowed my to identify where I was supposed to be. I jumped in and faked my way through the rest of the number. All I could hear was the roaring of the crowd and the faint, washed out sound of the music bouncing around the huge tin cave.
Nightmare, I tell you. I will probably never sleep another peaceful night for the rest of my life because of this. No second chances.
It kills me because I was so well prepared. Any other kind of disaster could have struck and I would have been fine. I wish I had've been attacked by a dog instead.
Strangely, the disaster might have been a good thing. When you blow it so royally, what do you have to lose after that? I breezed through my hosting duties for the rest of the night. I felt totally relaxed and just had fun with it.
The whole night was scripted for everyone: me, Pam, the presenters, everyone. I'm not sure who wrote the stuff - a bunch of people, I suppose. I thought more people would go off script.
Ms. Anderson's script included some words about the Canadian seal hunt and alluded to her committment to PETA. One of the presenters, Jann Arden went off script and made a joke to counter all that. On both sides, the crowd's reaction was viscious - almost hostile. I was surprised by that. They booed Pam and practically hailed Jann as their avenging queen. There was blood everywhere...
There were two particular moments for me where I felt it was something of a duty to go off script. Martha Wainwright was a presenter and her intro basically said, "her mom, dad, and brother are famous - here's Martha Wainwright!" Call me nuts, but I'm probably more of a fan of Martha's than anyone else in her talented family. But it seems everytime I read about her, it's the same thing. I wanted to make a point, so I introduced her by saying, "she's awesome in her own right. PERIOD! Here's Martha Wainwright" or something close to that.
Also, I knew that a lot of people, especially in my circle were moaning about how the show seemed out of touch and decidedly un-hip (perhaps rightfully so). Figuring that these people might tune in just to see the Broken Social Scene performance, I took advantage of my opportunity to introduce them. I made mention of some other interesting Canadian music that wasn't being acknowledged otherwise. I sent a shout-out to rapper Cadence Weapon and one to Black Mountain. I'm glad I got to slip them in.
Another big story of the show was that of the politcs. Dirty, dirty. I can tell you from my insider perspective that there was indeed a lot of politics at work, but not necessarily what the conspiracy theorists are saying. In some cases it's even dirtier than they can imagine. I'd love to dish all the dirtiest dirt of the weekend, but I shouldn't. I'd be killed. I'll save it for a book one day...
All I will say is that I was disappointed to learn that one band who everyone wanted to be there said they wouldn't come unless they knew for sure they would win awards and were paid a lot of money. It doesn't work that way and they were told to pound sand. Fair enough. You'd puke if you knew who it was.
I would also like to be a bit of a brat and point out that most people think that awards and nominations (not just at the Juno's) are based on records sold. It's not the case. It's records SHIPPED and there's a huge difference. Did you know it's the same for gold and platinum records? Think about it.
OK, I'm beginning to wander which is a sure sign that I've gone far enough. I'll leave it there. It was a very interesting experience to say the least.
Now it's back to business as usual and I've got records to make.
Buck
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